


Scarred

by pook



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Related, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-02 03:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15788001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pook/pseuds/pook
Summary: This story occurs 3 weeks after Part 5 - ‘Heart and Soul’ and occurs just after the‘Faces’ episode.





	Scarred

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 6 of my ‘Getting to know you’ series, set in the beginning of Voyager’s time in the Delta Quadrant.

“Dismissed!”

Nearly the entire crew had gathered in the Cargo bay for Lieutenant Durst’s memorial service. The only ones not there were a skeleton crew that were on duty.

It hadn’t been a funeral service. It had been a memorial service because there had been no body. The royal blue and white United Federation of Planets flag had covered an empty torpedo casing.

Pete Durst had died a hero, willingly sacrificing himself for the other members of the Away team. The Vidiians had then ‘harvested’ the lieutenant. They couldn’t retrieve his body – if there had been anything left of it after the Vidiians collected what they’d needed. His face had been on the Vidiian scientist, Sulan, while his organs and other body parts were more than likely in some of the other blood-sucking aliens that had killed him and would have tried to do the same to the other members of the Away team if they hadn’t been rescued.

Chakotay had ordered the assembled crew to stand to attention when the captain had entered the Cargo bay.

Captain Janeway had walked straight up to the coffin, had stood to attention, and had then saluted. It was an old-fashioned show of respect that had almost, but not completely, disappeared from Starfleet but she’d felt Lt. Durst had deserved her respect and the honour. She’d remained in that position, ramrod straight until the last notes of the stirring Federation anthem had faded away.

After Chakotay had stood the crew at ease, Janeway had then begun the service.

The first officer had then stood just behind her left shoulder, giving her his steadfast support.

She’d felt his presence behind her, steadying her, giving her the support she’d needed to get though the service. And she’d needed it.

It had been a very stressful last couple of days that had taken a toll on the command team.

Voyager had barely escaped the Vidiians after rescuing the Away team. After avoiding a Vidiian trap, they had been on constant yellow alert for nearly twenty-four hours without detecting any more Vidiian ships. Janeway had then ordered the ship to stand down from yellow alert. Another day had passed while they’d repaired the battle damage. With their ship damaged, all the crew knew how incredibly vulnerable they were, and they’d all worked hard to finish the repairs. Tensions had only abated after repairs were completed. It was only then that they’d had the time for Durst’s service.

The captain had begun by detailing Durst’s career, his awards that had now included the Starfleet Cross that she’d awarded him posthumously and all the other achievements before she’d finished with a personal anecdote between Pete and herself.

The incident in question had occurred in the hours just after they’d arrived in the Delta Quadrant. Together in a turbolift, Durst had been able to lift the captain’s spirits by imagining the horrified looks on the Utopia Planitia’s engineers if they’d been able to see the terrible state of _their_ Voyager. After all, the ship had been on her maiden voyage and now she was a mess.

The exchange had barely lasted thirty seconds but Janeway had remembered that it had made her smile, as Durst’s imitation of the dour and humourless engineer in charge of Voyager’s construction had been perfect. She’d met the engineer in question many times during Voyager’s construction. There had been muted laughter around the room because the Corps of Engineers were famed for being very paranoid about the ships they’d built and critical of any damage to them.

Many of the crew had nodded in agreement about Pete’s personality. He’d always been positive and encouraging. Durst had been one of those crewmates that every ship needed – someone who was with them in the good times and always by their side in the bad times.

The memorial had ended with a minute’s silence.

Chakotay had then dismissed the crew and they’d all slowly filed out to the Mess hall for the wake.

~~

The wake had been going on for several hours.

Pete Durst had been well liked and respected by both his friends and his colleagues and many of them had gathered in the Mess hall. At first, the mood had been understandably subdued then that had gradually changed. Funny and embarrassing stories had soon replaced those concerning his work and the like as laughter had replaced the sad and sombre atmosphere of the service.

Security officers chatted with Sciences ensigns. Maquis mingled with Starfleet. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay circulated among the small groups, sharing stories, putting them at ease and supporting them. Neelix meandered through the crowd with a tray of mixed drinks in one hand and a tray of finger food in the other.

Six months previously, the memorial service for the seventy-eight crewmates lost from both ships had been the first joint Starfleet-Maquis gathering. As in the beginning of their journey when so many deaths had brought Voyager and Liberty together, Durst’s death was doing the same, bringing everyone closer and more together. Everyone shared in the pain of his loss but drew strength with those around them, knowing they were all in it together, as one.

That is, almost everyone.

Leaning against the bulkhead, an alone and seething Michael Jonas swirled his drink around before he swallowed the synthehol. It might have tasted and smelt vaguely like whiskey but it didn’t make him gag or sear his throat going down nor did it make him forget. He might as well have picked up a glass of water for all the effect it had on him.

He wanted to get drunk – so drunk that when it was tomorrow, he wouldn’t remember what he’d done. He wanted to be so smashed that he could forget that it could have been him dead and more than likely would have been, along with the rest of the crew, if their good luck had deserted them. But then he wouldn’t on the shit that Neelix was serving up, he scowled. The only good thing about the drinks was that he wasn’t wasting his own replicator rations on them.

Fuck it! He thought, deciding to go back to his quarters to drink a bottle of Chell’s moonshine, but was stopped when Dave Biddle walked up to him.

“Hey … Mike.” Dave asked. Dave and Mike were roommates. They’d lived on the same planet in the DMZ and had joined the Maquis together. They’d fought side by side together, and now they were stuck 70 000 light years from their homes, together.

“Dave …” Mike mumbled, barely acknowledging him.

“You look like you could use the real stuff.” To Dave, Mike looked very angry. His jaw clenched and if he gripped the glass any tighter, he’d probably break it.

With a grunt, Mike put the lolly water glass down and took the drink that Dave passed to him. He swallowed all of the real whiskey in one go, gasping as it went down. “Thanks.”

Dave refilled Mike’s glass. “Look at ’em.” He waved his hand around then leant in a bit closer, lowering his voice. “They’re just thanking their lucky stars it wasn’t fucking them.”

Mike nodded in agreement. He knew it could have been him as he was an engineer like Durst. He’d been lucky. If he’d been on duty that day, it may have been his face that bastard Vidiian wore now. With that horrible thought, he downed his drink – now more than ever wanting to forget it all.

Dave stared intently at the contents of his drink. The wake could have been for him too, he realized. He shook off that depressing thought by refilling his glass. It didn’t last long as he quickly swallowed it.

They watched the crew mingle and chat, quiet in their own thoughts, as they finished off the remainder of the bottle.

From across the room, both saw the captain nod at Chakotay, who responded back, and then they both left together. Chakotay’s hand lightly touched her back, ushering her around the crew and out of the Mess hall.

Dave thought about what had just happened. It didn’t seem much, but like almost all the lower deck crew, he liked to gossip and so he elbowed Mike in the side. “What do you think?”

“About what?”

“Chakotay and Janeway. Do you think they’re fucking?”

“Fucking?”

“No, tiddlywinks – you idiot! Yes, fucking. Sex. Bonking.” Dave shook his head in frustration. Mike could be a bit dense some times.

Leaning against the bulkhead, B’Elanna had been staring out the window, when she couldn’t help but overhear the two men talking about Chakotay and the Captain. Her first thought had been to let it go as relatively harmless banter between the two men, but the chief engineer and their boss inside her won out because they really shouldn’t have been voicing such comments at a wake and in public where they could be easily overheard. It was probably against some obscure Starfleet regulation to speculate about their CO in that way, she smirked

She turned around to confront them, keeping her voice as calm and low as possible. “Crewmen, this is not the time or the place to voice … such opinions.”

“B’…”

“Not here.”

“B’Elanna, but …”

“No buts!”

“B’El … ” Dave tried again to explain that they were only gossiping but a snarl from Torres stopped them.

“Get out! Or I’ll have you both pulling Charlie shifts cleaning plasma exhausts for the next fifty years!” B’Elanna growled, keeping her voice low so as not to attract attention but she was glad that Tuvok wasn’t present. Vulcan hearing was superior and Tuvok could have easily overheard them.

“Yes, Ma’am,” both replied simultaneously. They’d both seen Torres angry before and had no desire to spend the rest of the trip with the worst duty on the worst shift.

They put their drinks down and headed out of the Mess hall toward their quarters.

Dave wondered what had gotten into B’Elanna. She was Maquis, for fuck’s sake. On Liberty, they’d always shared a joke and gossiped. Even though she’d been their chief engineer on the Maquis ship, the position hadn’t gone to her head like it seemed to have done on Voyager. Stuck up cow, he thought angrily. Then it struck him.

B’Elanna had been close to Chakotay. On their old ship, B’Elanna had cooled her friendship when Seska had flung herself so willingly at their boss. Dave realized that she’d never gossiped about what Chakotay and Seska had been doing unlike nearly everyone else. Was she jealous? Did she have a thing for Chakotay? Probably, he thought. It all made sense. Perhaps she wanted more but wasn’t the type to fling herself at a guy unlike that whore, Seska.

Seska was the proverbial bike on Liberty. It was common knowledge that she’d tried it on with most of the senior officers on the Maquis raider, both male and female. Knowing now that she was a Cardassian, it was her way to get what she wanted. Damn the bitch, he thought. He just hoped that the Kazon would take what they wanted from her and then kill her, painfully.

Now that they were by themselves as they walked toward the turbolift, Dave asked the question again. “So … what do you think? Are they fucking?” It’s just harmless gossip, he thought.

Mike thought about it for a second. “No idea.” Mike had seen them touching before but then Janeway touched everyone, including Chakotay, and he was aware of the betting pools. He dismissed the idea. “Nah …probably not. She’s so Starfleet. Wasn’t her dad an admiral?”

“Yep.”

“The bitch wouldn’t spread her legs for anyone.”

They both knew Chakotay’s standing among the female crew. Chakotay, Tom Paris, and Mike Ayala were fighting for leadership in the hottest male on board stakes. It was hard to ignore it when the lower deck women had discussed them so openly and frequently. Dave scoffed. It wasn’t if any of them had a chance to get it on with them anyway but it still left him a little jealous and having to make do with holograms because all the eligible females were too interested in making goo-goo eyes at the so-called hunks to be bothered with the likes of lowly crewmen like them.

“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t see her getting her leg over even for Chakotay. The bitch probably sleeps in her uniform.” Dave laughed aloud. The more that Dave thought about it the more he thought that Chakotay had capitulated too easily when they’d come to the Delta Quadrant. Maybe Janeway was stringing Chakotay along or maybe he’d threatened her. After all, Chakotay was double her size.

If he’d been in Chakotay’s position, he could easily take whatever he wanted – the ship and her, but why then was he only the first officer? It didn’t make sense. On second thought, Dave realized that they were both too high and mighty to do anything like that. Chakotay had reverted to a Starfleet officer very quickly, as if he’d never left it. Laughing to himself, he wondered if they both spent their evenings spit polishing their boots.

Jonas guffawed as well. Seska had said that Janeway was a frigid old bat but there was no way he was going to voice publically anything that Seska had said since she’d turned out to be a Cardassian and she’d defected to the damn Kazon only six weeks ago, endangering them all. However, he’d still been grateful for Seska’s engineering skills because Tuvok’s investigation into Seska hadn’t found any connection between them even though he’d met Seska covertly almost from the start of their time in the Delta Quadrant.

They hadn’t spent any real time together on Liberty because he was only a crewman, but, on Voyager, they’d found each other, and had done what a lot of disaffected lower deck ensigns and crewmen have done for countless centuries. They’d whined to each other.

In Seska, Jonas had found a kindred spirit and had soon voiced their displeasure very discreetly, in private. They’d wondered about everything from what the hell Janeway was going to do next to get them killed by investigating yet another nebula to Neelix’s latest culinary disaster, then they’d fucked, each taking what they’d wanted and had needed from the other.

Sometimes Seska had seduced him in her own aggressively sexy way and sometimes he’d been very rough with her which he came to realize she enjoyed very much. He’d relished it too, having some power over someone even it was for only a short time. As a powerless crewman, he was the lowest of the low and was always getting ordered around.

When Seska left him, he’d felt a little sick at first, knowing he’d been with the Maquis’ enemy, the Cardassians, but he missed what they’d had nonetheless. He couldn’t explain it and he didn’t know if he’d find anyone that made him feel so good again like Seska had.

After seeing Mike’s glum face, Dave knew exactly what would make them feel better. “I’ll book the holodeck and you can bring the moonshine for afterwards.” He’d bought the brothel program from Quark on DS9 a year ago and it had worked wonders for their morale. Even though they’d run it many times, it was always changing, using different settings and different girls. Variety was the spice of life as his mother used to say.

Jonas liked the idea.

“We’ll get laid and then get wasted.” Dave slapped his arm. “Come on, let’s go.”

Forgetting their troubles by having sex and getting drunk was Dave’s answer to practically everything. Pissed off, Mike was at the point that it would also for work for him. He hadn’t had real sex since Seska had left and was unlikely to get it anytime soon either.

They smiled at each other, both excited at the prospect, heading off to get what they needed.

~~

Leaning against the bulkhead, B’Elanna had watched the two crewmen leave, and then had turned to stare out the window, taking a few moments to get her rising anger under control. The Vidiians had done her a favour by separating her into a Klingon and Human. It had given her a new appreciation of the battle within herself between her fiery Klingon half and her stubborn Human half. With this knowledge, it had become easier to regain control.

She’d been angry when she’d overheard the two men talking about Chakotay and Janeway. Some of her anger was because they’d repeatedly questioned her reasonable order to stop, probably feeling it was all right to push her because they had all been Maquis. But most of her ire was because it was just wrong not only because they were at a wake but also because they were talking openly about her friend, Chakotay and the Captain having sex.

Being always busy on Liberty and that had only increased on Voyager when she became the chief engineer in control over twenty staff, she hadn’t really thought about her relationship with Chakotay and his with the captain all that much. She really didn’t have the time. Being so short-staffed had meant double shifts for most of her engineers, especially for her nearly all the time.

What did it all mean?

Ever since Chakotay saved her from an attack in a bar on that planet in the DMZ, Torres had been indebted to him and from that day on, she’d almost worshipped him, trying her hardest to please him. She’d been very young and naïve. He’d saved her from being gang raped but he’d also seen something in her, and he’d allowed her the space to blossom as a top notch engineer. This hadn’t happened when she was at the Academy, where she’d felt stifled and forced to conform. She’d quickly taken charge of Liberty’s engine room, Maquis style, by breaking a few noses and she’d started that way too on Voyager.

After Chakotay had rescued her and they’d beamed up to his ship, she’d thought that he would have tried to do the same as what the men in the bar had tried to do but he’d never touched her. Chakotay had never asked for anything more. He could have taken whatever he’d wanted back then. She would have put up a fight but she’d known that she was no match for him. Instead, he’d put her in Engineering and she’d never looked back.

When B’Elanna had first met Chakotay, she, like most women and a few of the men, had a crush on him. What wasn’t there to like? He was tall, dark, brooding, and definitely handsome and back then he’d featured heavily in her fantasies and in her dreams but she’d never had the courage to act on them. She hadn’t been a virgin when Chakotay had rescued her but she wasn’t experienced either, having never had a proper relationship in her short life. And anyway, that Targ shit, Seska, had wormed her way pretty quickly into his bed and so she hadn’t got the chance to act on her crush even if she’d wanted to.

At first, she’d been jealous of Seska, and how she’d flaunted their relationship, how she’d gossiped about him, from how big he was, what he liked and what he did to Seska. B’Elanna wanted it to be her, not Seska, lying, writhing under Chakotay. Those dreams had been with her nearly all the time in the beginning, but over time and with the help of Seska’s boasting attitude, her jealousy and those dreams had faded.

B’Elanna had turned her focus and all her energy on keeping the Liberty working, leaving no real time for anything else. Taking her frustrations out on Seska wouldn’t have accomplished anything either other than to appease her Klingon nature briefly but now as she thought about it, in the end, it would’ve been pointless as she had serious doubts that Chakotay would have acted on her advances anyway. Chakotay was twenty years older than B’Elanna was.

Deep down, she’d realized whatever his feelings for her were, they were more than likely to be paternal only.

From a youthful crush to mutual respect was how her feelings for Chakotay had changed over the years and she was pleased with herself that she hadn’t acted on her crush. She would have lost respect for herself and with her crewmates like that bitch Seska had. In retrospect, the Cardassian slut hadn’t cared what her crewmates thought of her – she’d only been interested in herself. B’Elanna couldn’t remember how many times Seska had been called an Orion whore or slut but she’d ignored the barbs, revelling in her notoriety, she now thought.

After a rocky start on Voyager when she’d broken Joe Carey’s nose, her attitude had mellowed even more when Chakotay had persuaded the captain to promote her to chief engineer. She’d wanted to keep repaying the faith that he had in her – to not let him down, to not let the Captain down.

She laughed out aloud, realizing it was as if she was trying to please her parents. That was definitely it, she thought. They were just like her parents.

She was glad that she had the respect of Chakotay and the captain. Chakotay was like the father she wanted but had never had. Her own father had left her and her mother alone to face a hostile world because he couldn’t handle their volatile Klingon nature, and Captain Janeway was like the mother she missed so much. Despite not seeing eye to eye on everything, they’d developed a rapport and the captain had helped B’Elanna to become the person she was now. For this, she was eternally grateful.

B’Elanna returned to why she’d been angry at Jonas and Dave. She wasn’t jealous of Janeway. It was as if they’d insulted her parents and she couldn’t stand that. It was just wrong.

Thinking back two weeks to when she’d been in Sickbay when Chakotay regained consciousness, she had seen that Chakotay and Janeway were more than friends, and everything in the meantime had only reinforced this.

They’d acted professionally when on duty. Off duty, B’Elanna had seen that same beaming smile once or twice more when the captain had thought no one was looking. It was the one that Janeway had given him that day in Sickbay as she’d laid her hands on his chest when she’d known he was going to be all right. Their lives were hard enough as it was. She wouldn’t want all that responsibility or all that pressure. She had only twenty people to look after; they had a hundred and forty four.

If they were in relationship then good luck to them, she thought, and then she frowned, not really wanting to think that they were having sex as Dave had suggested. That was just too weird. She shuddered then smirked at the thought that you just don’t think your parents have sex despite the fact that they’d have to have had it at least once to have you.

She turned away from the viewport and found that Tom Paris had just stopped in front of her.

“Lieutenant, would you like another drink?” A sombre Tom offered her another glass. He’d spotted the Klingon alone by the viewport and he realized that he looked just as alone as she was. He desperately wanted to talk to someone about what had happened in the mine. B’Elanna would understand – she’d been there.

“Thank you, Tom.” Taking the glass, B’Elanna normally would have been sceptical of Tom’s motives as he was generally flippant and acted like a pig. She needn’t have worried – she could tell by the serious expression on his face that she wasn’t going to get one of his usual off the cuff humorous lines. Despite his reputation, Tom had helped her a great deal and more than likely saved her life in the mine. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this. Chakotay had told her that Tom had saved his life on Ocampa. Perhaps, he doesn’t deserve his bad reputation, she pondered.

“How are you?”

B’Elanna looked at Tom for a moment. She still had a lot to think about but she thought she’d be okay. She realized that only a few people actually asked how she was – the Captain, Chakotay, the Doctor, Kes, and now Tom. It was nice to know that he cared. “I’ll be okay. How about you?” She knew that he’d have his own demons to fight as well.

“I’ll be fine too.” A little nervous, Tom took a sip of his drink. “Would you like to talk about it?”

A year ago, B’Elanna would have laughed in his face and then downed another bloodwine to try to forget what had happened, but not today. She needed to talk about it and she thought Tom did too. Tom had been there and he would understand. “I think so.”

Tom ushered her to a table and they sat down and began to talk.

~~

After leaving the Mess hall, Kathryn and Chakotay made their way to her quarters without saying a word.

On hearing the swish of the doors close, Kathryn’s captain’s persona crumbled and her shoulders slumped. She was bone numbingly exhausted – too tired for anything more than sleep but she knew sleep wouldn’t come easily no matter how tired she was. Nightmarish visions of the Vidiians, of Sulan, of Chakotay disguised as one of them and of how close it had come to all of them being like Durst would keep her awake.

Chakotay had followed her into her quarters, to make sure she went to sleep and stopped just behind her. With her shoulders slumped, she’d never looked so vulnerable. The weight of the world rested on such small shoulders. Hesitating for a just second, he knew that captains hated showing any weakness, but his love for her overcame his reticence. He wanted to comfort her, to hold her, so he reached and gently turned her around, wrapping her in his arms.

Kathryn knew that Chakotay would be there to catch her and he was.

Gathering her against him, he wrapped his arms around her embracing her, holding onto her as tightly as he could. He felt her fingers clutch at his uniform, gripping on to the tough material as tightly as she could. He didn’t say anything. He just held her.

Kathryn’s head buried into his chest but she didn’t cry. She just needed to be held and to feel something other than the weight of her command. Gradually she relaxed and closed her eyes. Chakotay’s slow breathing and soothing heartbeat calmed her.

Chakotay held her close, just softly and slowly rubbing her back until she became a dead weight in his arms. She’d fallen asleep. It was quite understandable. They were both mentally and physically exhausted after a week of battles, repairs and very little sleep. He felt like he could sleep for a week and he hadn’t worked as hard as Kathryn had. Bending down, he picked her up and carried her through to her bedroom.

Sitting her carefully on her bed, her head leaning against him, he unzipped her uniform jacket and took it off followed by her tee, her boots, and then her socks. He pulled the covers down and gently laid her down. As carefully as he could, he undid her pants and slipped them off her. Breathing a sigh of relief that he hadn’t woken her up, he pulled the sheet back over her.

Her hand snaked out and gently grabbed his arm as he got up to leave. “Stay.” Kathryn had woken up when he’d pulled her socks off and was so carried away with the tender way he undressed her that she kept her eyes closed not wanting it to end. She had nothing to fear from Chakotay, she knew that deep in her heart. They loved each other. She just wanted him to stay, to be with her. She wanted to feel something normal for a change instead of always being the captain.

“Kathryn?” Chakotay wondered if he’d heard correctly. He would like nothing better than to be with her but he had to make sure.

She looked straight into his dark orbs, trying to convey what she wanted straight from her heart and that was him, just him. “Stay.” Her hand moved down toward his hand, squeezing it. “Please.”

Nodding, he then smiled as he quickly undressed and climbed in. “Computer, lights out.” Kathryn wasn’t begging him to stay. She was asking him to join her in her bed and he couldn’t refuse her. He’d wanted to for two weeks but was allowing Kathryn to set the pace. Chakotay felt her cuddle up to him, her bare arm splayed over his chest and her head nestled into his shoulder. He’d let her decide what she wanted to do but so far he was just enjoying her nearness and her sweet delicious smell. Sighing, for the first time in days, he felt at peace.

“Good night, my love,” murmured Kathryn.

“I love you too.” Kissing her forehead, he held her close. “Good night, Kathryn.”

Feeling the warmth and comfort of being in the arms of the man she loved, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

~~

Kathryn rolled over and woke up, glancing at the chronometer. 0350 hours. Groaning, she could have slept for another two hours but for a call of nature. She quietly slid out of bed, trying not to wake him and tiptoed to the bathroom.

On returning, she slid in, trying once again not to disturb him. Chakotay was lying on his side, his back to her with the sheet only just covering his hip. She’d intended to go back to sleep but she found that she couldn’t take her eyes off him. His golden skin, his broad muscular shoulders tapering to his hips and even his musky masculine scent were very enticing.

In the starlight, her eyes wandered over his bare skin until she found a ragged red scar on his shoulder. She wondered why he’d gotten a scar since wounds could be healed without scarring for some time now but then he probably kept them for the same reasons that she’d done with hers – to remember an important event.

Intrigued, she edged in a bit closer and used a finger to feather along its rough edges, wondering how he’d been hurt. It was ragged so perhaps it had been an explosion, she thought. Either way it must have hurt. Leaning over, she kissed it better and smiled when his muscles twitched.

“Hmmm.” Chakotay stirred and rolled over. “Hi.”

Resting on an elbow, she smiled. “Good morning.” Her eyes travelled down his muscular chest and saw another scar, this time to the right of his belly button. Tentatively, her finger reached out and traced along the mark before bending down to kiss it better as well.

“Mmm…” moaned Chakotay, closing his eyes as her soft lips gently touched his skin.

“How did you get this one?” Her finger ran over the damaged area.

“Console explosion …” Chakotay’s skin tingled, her touch sending shivers straight through him that headed straight for his groin. He could barely think, feeling his arousal grow but he needed to slow down, so he rolled over to face her. “My first mission on Liberty, I’d been careless and a young man called Adrian was killed. It’s there to remind me to keep my focus.”

Kathryn understood his need to keep that scar. She had a similar story for one of hers.

Chakotay reached out to her, tenderly moving her draping hair back over her shoulder, and in the starlight, he could see that she also had battle damage; a jagged scar, half covered by her bra strap. His finger cautiously slid the strap down over her shoulder.

It was a reddish ugly circular wound and it had to be from a Cardassian blaster. He’d seen plenty of similar scars. Blasters worked differently to phasers. Phasers produced a clean wound, cauterizing it, whereas blasters tore at the flesh and bone. She’d been lucky to escape with such a small scar.

His finger feathered around the edges of the wound mark. “This?”

“Cardassian border wars. It reminds me that there must be something worth living for and

even some things worth dying for.” Kathryn sighed sadly. In three years of that war, only three of the original fifteen members of her patrol survived. It was how she remembered her friends’ sacrifices.

Chakotay kissed the angry looking blemish, wishing the sadness in her eyes to go away as she probably remembered fallen comrades.

Pleasure replaced sadness as Kathryn watched closely as he leant in to kiss her shoulder. His chin rubbed near her breast, exciting her. Her hand reached up and ran through his hair and then down his neck to the scar on his shoulder. The nearness of him, feeling his hot breath on her chest was intoxicating. Barely able to speak, she asked, “This one?”

“Starfleet security. A raid for medical supplies. It failed and so I was left with a scar that had to heal the old fashioned way.” His voice was muffled by being so close to her breasts, longing to reach and take the already hardened peaks in his mouth. His hand stroked her side, feeling her skin tremble with every pass. His arousal grew as she kissed the healed wound, her hot breath and soft lips sending shudders through him.

Rolling her onto her stomach, Chakotay then tossed the covers off them. “Computer, lights to twenty percent.” Satisfied now that he could see all of her, he preceded to make a thorough inventory of her back. Along her spine, he could just make out a thin ten centimetre long line running parallel to her vertebrae. His index finger ran softly up and down it. “This one?”

“The shuttle crash on Tau Ceti Prime. I broke my back.”

That wound was still raw, Chakotay thought. She’d lost her father and her fiancé and felt guilty that she’d survived but was so badly injured that she couldn’t help them. In between kissing the mark, he whispered, ‘I love you’’s.

Despite being aroused, Kathryn could still think rationally as Chakotay finished looking over her back. She was eternally grateful that she’d collapsed unconscious on the _Al-Batani’s_ transporter pad after escaping the Cardassians. The doctors had healed all the deep wounds from the whip the Cardassian had used so enthusiastically and repeatedly on her, leaving no visible scars. But they were still there, deep within her. The nightmares still occasionally haunted her. Could she explain what had happened to her as an ensign when she’d struggled to comprehend it herself even after nearly sixteen years? But then as his wonderfully gentle hands roamed over her, she realized, he’d understand. He wouldn’t judge her – he’d support her, helping her.

She sighed deeply, knowing he’d be there for her. Always. Relaxing now, she allowed her mind to clear and just focus on his ministrations.

Chakotay continued inspecting her arms and legs, tenderly, carefully, moving his hands all over them, checking them thoroughly. There were no other scars on the back of her body.

Kathryn purred as his wandering hands skimmed over her skin sending jolts of pleasure straight to her groin. Her growing wetness was proof of her arousal.

Chakotay still had two places to check. His hands roamed over her bra and then down to her panties. He knelt down and whispered in her ear. “May I?”

“Yes, Chakotay.” He could have ripped them both off for all she cared. She just wanted him to continue what he was doing.

He undid the bra and ran his fingers over her trembling skin. “Perfect …” And it was. Her groans of pleasure added more fuel to his growing flame of desire for her. His restraint was admirable because he wanted this to be perfect; otherwise, he may have made her his own already.

It made his heart soar with anticipation of what was about to come as he rolled her back over. Taking the two straps in his hands, he slowly slid them off her arms to reveal her breasts. For a moment, he just watched her as she licked her lips slowly and suggestively, her hunger for him plain for him to see. His gaze dropped to her taut nipples and soft mounds and he smiled at finding a freckle in the valley between her breasts. His finger did a figure of eight around her breasts to finish this area. “No scars there.”

His control was tenuous as his fingers slipped under her panties. With a hot sexy smile, she lifted her hips off the bed to assist him as he slid her panties down off her lean legs and threw them away. His twitching erection strained to be free.

He had one more area to inspect and so he moved between her legs and smiled when he saw the moisture pooled on her auburn curls. Her fingers combed through his hair as his nose nuzzled her dripping lips only once but it was enough for her to buck and writhe in pleasure. With a devilish smile, he stated, “And no scars there.”

Sitting back on his heels after completing the inspection, Chakotay croaked with emotion, “You’re so beautiful.” He thanked the Spirits for bringing them together and for her love.

“Thank you, but now it’s my turn.” Kathryn sat up. “Lie down.”

Chakotay obeyed and now it would be his turn to groan under her ministrations.

She waited until he moved gracefully onto his stomach before starting at his feet and working her way up his legs and over his back.

Gasping with pleasure as her nipples dragged across his skin, he moaned. Her hands lightly caressed skin which tingled, and trembled along the way. Thinking it wasn’t possible, his arousal skyrocketed even more as his hips rolled, slowly dry humping the mattress. He wanted to take her in his arms, hold her, and kiss her as they made love.

“No more scars.” Kathryn rolled him over and started at his feet again. Reaching the apex of his legs, Kathryn couldn’t hold back anymore. She needed to touch him. “May I?” A finger ran lightly over the silk of his underwear by his hip.

“Kathryn … Yes, please.” He was putty in her hands, frozen with anticipation of what was about to come. Her sensual hands moved to the elastic band of his boxers and pulled them down.

Kathryn kept looking at his handsome face as she removed his boxers. When she did finally look at his groin, she was impressed. His thick dark penis stood proudly erect before her. Her fingers ran through his thick wiry curls, looking for imperfections.

Spirits! His penis hardened even more. He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, hoping to regain some control, or he might be embarrassed and explode in her face.

Hearing his gasp, Kathryn straddled his legs and ‘inspected’ this area, closely. Her arousal was growing too, feeling her inner muscles throb as her fingers felt the weight of his tight sac. Her hair draped over her shoulders added to the sensual effect, teasing him. She licked her lips before licking her way up and down the long hot shaft but she only made that journey once. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her mouth around his straining cock and give herself completely to him, sucking him dry, but that would be for another time. She smirked. The way he’d bucked at her one pass over his magnificent erection, showed that his control was hanging on by a thread, just like hers was. Her own throbbing need was hard to resist.

“No scars there.” Sitting up, she looked deep into his eyes. “Perfect.” Even with the scars, he was perfect. It was who he was, all his experiences, both good and bad, that made up an incredible man, and she loved every centimetre of him.

Chakotay smiled and then took her hands in his. It had taken so long to find his Wahkanay, through so many hardships for both of them before they’d found each other, that he could barely believe the final step, their joining was about to happen. His heart sung and tears welled in his eyes. Overcome with emotion, he allowed his tears of joy to flow freely. “Oh … Kathryn …”

Kathryn watched the tear drip down his cheek. She’d felt the same emotions that were now etched on her beloved’s face. Joy filled her beyond anything she could describe. Straddling his hips, she bent down and kissed the tears away, the salty taste wetting her lips. “I love you with all my heart.”

“I know and I love you.” His hands swept over her back and through her flame coloured hair. Nothing he’d had before would ever compare to what was happening to him now. Again, he thanked the Spirits for their guidance.

“I want you so much.”

Chakotay smiled, his hands pressed down on her bum cheeks so she could feel how much he wanted her.

Kissing her way along his jaw, she moved down feeling her moist thatch drag along his rock hard cock. She positioned herself over his slick member, feeling it just touch her, already revelling in the shocks of pleasure it gave her. When she kissed her way to his dark inviting lips, she stopped and hovered just above them, anticipating, waiting, separated by no more than a centimetre.

Their warm breaths mingled together, caressing their lips.

Their eyes locked.

Time stood still.

For a few seconds, nothing else existed in the Universe, only them – together and soon to be one.

Both whispered ‘Wahkanay’ at the same time, as Kathryn sank slowly onto Chakotay.

After taking him all the way in, they finally closed the distance between their lips and kissed passionately, putting all their lust and love for one another into that mind-blowing kiss. Chakotay then wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as her head nestled down next to his ear, her hands near his head, her fingers combing his hair.

Finally, again, at the same time, they began their intimate dance.

Together, they rocked slowly, sensuously, not moving very much; just enough for him to move little out of her and then plunge all the way in again, both not wishing to lose their connection with each other.

Soon, Chakotay was moaning in her ear, the sheer pleasure of their slow tempo overwhelming him, feeling her walls contract around him, her hot breath in his ear, her hardened nipples scraping across his chest as they rocked together. Closing his eyes, he sighed, happy to be taken to paradise by her.

Kathryn lost herself too. Their exquisite unhurried rhythm and his deep groans in her ear had her quickly spiralling upwards toward her orgasm. And she could feel his control slipping too. His arms gripped around her tighter, but their slow pace didn’t change, barely moving, rocking in synch with each other. His moans were now laboured grunts, breathless with effort just as much as hers were.

The heat between them where chest met breast was amazing. Sweat mingled between their hot bodies, helping them glide back and forth.

Now gasping, Chakotay felt himself lengthen inside of her, his thrusts more powerful, his hands on Kathryn’s hips, pushing her onto him. He squeezed his eyes shut, as the unstoppable wave begun inside him.

Their tempo increased. There was no stopping it.

Kathryn held on as Chakotay forced her down on him, finding her sweet spot, repeatedly. There was no let up. Again and again, Kathryn whimpered his name until she exploded, gasping then screaming his name out as she gripped the sheet with all her strength. Her toes curled and her inner muscles throbbed and squeezed around him hard, taking him with her.

Grunting and growling out her name, Chakotay soon followed her, coming hard and long, spurting his life deep into her.

Kathryn returned to the leisurely tempo as he groaned with every tiny aftershock of pleasure until he was all spent and then she stopped, relaxing on his chest, waiting until their breathing returned to normal, revelling in the joy of it all.

Finally, he slipped out of her but neither of them moved. Chakotay sighed, unable to voice how he was feeling. He couldn’t even begin to describe what had just happened. Any words would be inadequate, so he caressed her back slowly, lightly, tenderly, knowing that he’d made love to the love of his life. Happier than he could ever remember, he kissed her head and held her tightly to him, not ever wanting to let her go.

Overwhelmed by the experience, Kathryn began to sob tears of happiness and joy.

Chakotay felt her tense up and after a few moments, the wetness of her tears dripped down onto his chest. “Oh, Kathryn,” he whispered into her ear, trying to soothe her. “I love you. Spirits, I love you so much. Words fail.” If he could have made her tears go away, he would have.

Kathryn didn’t answer straight away. It was perfect. He was perfect. It was just awe-inspiring. She did know how difficult it was to describe what she was feeling. “I understand, Chakotay. I love you.” Squeezing his shoulders, she pushed herself up on her elbows. Her fingers combed through his hair. Her lips captured his for a tender but still passionate kiss and then rolled off him to nestle into his shoulder.

Kathryn lay quietly and serenely in his arms, relaxing, coming down from their incredible high until sleep took hold of both of them.

~~

Kathryn slowly woke up after the best sleep she’d had in a long time. It was still early, only 0640. Chakotay lay sprawled, lying on his stomach, arms above his head, looking serene and at peace. Even in the dim light, she could see his handsome face and she sighed. She wanted to touch him, to hold him again but at the same time, he looked so peaceful that she didn’t have the heart to wake him. Now that she was awake, there was little chance of her going back to sleep so she slid out of bed, grabbed her robe, and went to the lounge room.

With a cup of coffee in her hand, she sat down in her favourite chair to savour her morning coffee. On the table, there were several padds in a pile, all of them needing her attention. Picking up the first one, she began to read a report on energy consumption. Everything seemed to be in order and she signed off on the report. One down, five to go. She groaned.

Normally, she would have read these reports last night but she hadn’t because she’d been otherwise engaged. Smiling, last night or more correct, this morning, had been wonderful. Actually, it had been more than wonderful. It had been divine.

Sighing, she turned her head toward her bedroom where Chakotay lay asleep. She loved him. He loved her. Looking at the stack of padds, she knew it was much more complicated than just giving into their attraction, to love him unconditionally. She’d done that but she had other considerations as well, like being the captain and the protocols that dictated the standard of her behaviour.

What she was going to do about them?

Kathryn contemplated this but she came to a quick decision, for herself as a woman and for the ship and her as captain. It didn’t require much thought and it was one decision that wasn’t hard to make. Duty first, she decided, to her ship and her crew, but she wouldn’t deny herself his love and what they had just begun. The events over the last couple of months showed her that she needed him to survive, for her sanity and peace of mind, and she expected that Chakotay did too.

She trusted him with her heart, her life, their crew and her ship and she had no intention of hiding their relationship, but she wasn’t going to flaunt it either. That wasn’t her style.

Unfortunately, there were other factors to consider.

The continued smooth functioning of the ship was high on that list. Although most of the crew had settled down to a routine, there were still Maquis and even some Starfleet personnel not acclimatizing to their situation. For the Maquis, some of that was learning the Starfleet way of doing things. For the Starfleet crew, some were still struggling with their situation. Most were young and inexperienced.

Right now, she had to consider her crew and their reaction, not wanting to add fuel to the fire of the whining of some disgruntled Lower deck crewmen that might upset the delicate morale of the ship.

Kathryn could rely on Chakotay. He was a private man and hopefully he’d agree for them to be discrete. She knew she could rely on him to be professional on duty and even off it in public until the time was right. With a glint in her eye, she thought that in the mean time, they’d just have to enjoy what they’d just started, in private.

Returning to the pile of padds that required her attention, she picked up the next one, Tuvok’s latest tactical review, and began to read it.

_fin_


End file.
